The Moment a Teenager Arrives
No matter how you view human development, it seems that nobody is in disagreement that teenagehood is a critical time period when people experience massive changes. One of the scariest changes from a parent’s perspective is when you notice that your child fully begins to embody a sense of differentiation from the rest of the family. The way this might look varies greatly on a case by case basis, but generally speaking, it is accompanied by a sensation that you don’t know your child quite like you used to.
One of the things that is happening here is that your teenager is entering a developmental crisis. In this context, a crisis is when a natural juncture occurs through the inevitability of change. In our teen years, the major one that we contend with is the formation of one’s own identity. The way that teenagers do this is to try out different roles. To a parent, this might appear to be a departure from who the child has been up to this point. In reality, your teenager’s sense of self is naturally and predictably shifting away from who he or she is in the context of the family to who he or she will be upon entering the world.
In short, your teenager is making a natural attempt to test what will serve best once they no longer have the comfort of home to protect them.
The Natural Risk
Okay, so we’ve established that what your teenager is going through is a natural step toward becoming a fully developed person. One who you can look at and feel confident in their ability to tackle everything that you know awaits in the ‘real world.’ The question is how you know that what they are trying will translate to success.
Undoubtedly, this question is what makes this the most nerve-racking period for most parents. Add on the fact that it might feel like your influence is waning, and you have a real predicament on your hands.
One thing that I really want to make a point of right now is this. You have been this teenager’s parent for a long time. Nobody knows him like you do. Take a moment and search your own feelings. Somewhere inside you might find that you truly have faith that your teenager will successfully navigate this period and come out stronger on the other side. This knowledge might not completely solve the present, but it might provide some level of comfort.
If, on the other hand, it feels more like your teenager is headed down a path toward a more difficult launch, know that there is hope through this.
Solutions
At the end of the day, nobody knows your teen better than you do. That part cannot be overstated. Because of this, you have unique insight into the subtle changes in trajectory that your teen has displayed. Along with this, you have a great foundation in determining how she might adjust as this stage of development progresses. If you have a feeling that your family would benefit from some additional support, the question is how you know whether or not the efforts that you put in will translate to success.
Perhaps the greatest asset to all of us in our time of needs is our relationships. Building and nurturing a strong relationship is the key to overcoming so many different obstacles in our lives that it almost becomes easy to overlook. If you are thinking about looking for counseling for your teen, this is absolutely something to keep in mind. The relationship that your teen builds with his counselor is paramount to how that process will go. This does not mean that you have no say in who this person is, though. To the contrary, remember what I mentioned earlier. Nobody knows your teen better than you do. You both should feel comfortable with who you reach out to.